


you've got this and the movies and also my love

by wwwjudedotcom



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:53:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28207128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wwwjudedotcom/pseuds/wwwjudedotcom
Summary: Alex says nobody has said I love you to him in 20 years, Michael fixes that.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	you've got this and the movies and also my love

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this tumblr post that I saw on twitter and then searched for on tumblr: 
> 
> https://bahughes.tumblr.com/post/637709213428301824/i-want-someone-isobel-to-just-nonchalantly-say
> 
> Title from the song Is There Something in the Movies? by Samia

“You what?! Alex, what the fuck?” 

Alex had seen Rosa’s fury before, but this was the first time it had been directed at him. He had hated (almost) everything about the last ten years but this moment was one of the worst. 

Nineteen year old Rosa knew Alex as a emo kid hell bent on never enlisting. So when she came out of the pod (or got resurrected, came back to life, or whatever he called it in an attempt to make it less weird) and found out Alex had spent a decade of his life in the air force, Rosa justifiably lost her shit. Any hope that her rage would subside at the news of his leg was gone after she took one look at the shiny metal and stormed off, looking even angrier. Alex hadn’t known that was possible. 

It had taken months of group outings before she would even talk to him. Weeks after that of solo dinners where he tried to explain himself: it was his only option, with his dad threatening Michael (which led to another Rosa outburst, this time directed at the finally dead Jesse Manes). And where she did the same: she was angry that war took parts of himself from him, the fire that wasn’t there anymore, the leg that was, quote, in the wrong fucking desert. The anger grew smaller though, and Alex was grateful he had his best friend back.

***

Their Thursday dinner had turned into a group one this week. Isobel had wrangled Michael to the Crashdown claiming he needed a break from working on his ship. Alex silently agreed after a probably too long glance at him. Max was there because Liz was there, and Rosa shoved three tables together so they could eat together. Kyle showed up a bit later, happily joining them even after his long shift. 

Alex spent the evening shifting his focus between Michael and Rosa. He tried to pay attention to Kyle, he really did, but there was only so much forced enthusiasm he had for the surgery he’d just finished. 

Michael looked significantly better after eating, and Alex mentally made a note to check in with him more, to make sure he wasn’t too focused on his projects. They were friends, at least Alex hoped they were, and friends checked in with each other. His brain was so focused on coming up with excuses to make sure Michael was doing okay that he almost missed what Rosa said as she left the table. Almost. 

“All right, I gotta get to a meeting, see you guys soon. Love you, Alex.”

As she stood up, Alex felt his body stiffen. His hands froze on the table, and he just stared at Rosa. He thought he recovered quickly enough, drinking from his water to avoid responding, but it was apparently noticeable enough that Isobel felt the need to comment. 

“What just happened?” Right to the point, very Isobel, he thought. 

Rosa turned back around to look at Alex. Isobel was sitting next to him so he hoped only she would hear when he started to whisper the answer. But her question drew the attention of the entire table, Michael included, so after whispering the first few words, he started over, talking louder. 

“That’s the first time that someone’s told me they love me,” He paused, hearing how pathetic he sounded and trying to avoid Michael’s very pointed gaze at him, “Since my mom, I mean. So, I guess it’s uh, been a minute since I’ve heard it.” 

He heard Michael make a small noise in protest before he seemed to realize that he’d never told Alex he loved him, at least in the present tense. There had been “I loved you” and “I think you loved me” and “I used to think we’d end up together” and “I used to too” as confirmation of his love (of both of their love really, because had Alex ever said he loved Michael in the present tense either?), but never once had Michael actually said “I love you” to Alex. 

“Alex, twenty years is more than a minute. And you deserve better,” Rosa responded, sounding extremely annoyed, but he knew it wasn’t directed at him this time. 

Alex fixed his gaze on the table, so he missed the way Rosa glared, the way she was shooting fire out of her eyes at Michael. He missed the way Michael shrunk in his seat. 

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered, but he didn’t know who he was talking to. 

“This is not something to apologize for. If anything, every single person at this table should be apologizing to you right now.” 

Alex dared to look up at Rosa, but he caught Michael’s eyes instead. They looked like he was in physical pain, like he was trying to remember a single time he said “I love you” and came up empty and like maybe that thought was going to kill him. He didn’t know if it would, but if he kept looking at him, it was going to kill Alex first. 

“I just,” He stood up, pushing his chair back with his good leg, “I, I, I need some air,” Stumbling with his words seemed appropriate as he stumbled through the doorway of the diner. 

He heard Rosa’s voice, he wasn’t sure if it was directed at him or someone else, but he kept walking anyways. He stopped by the side of Michael’s truck. It was instinct, he realized, to go to Michael, or to Michael’s truck or airstream with the promise of Michael, when he felt overwhelmed. He slowly sat down next to it and rested his hand on the door, letting it ground him. 

Alex didn’t know why the words “I love you” had made him flinch. He knew it wasn’t Rosa, knew it wasn’t because it was her saying those words. He thought maybe because they reminded him of his mother, of his childhood that got ripped away too early, or maybe it reminded him all over again that nobody had told him they loved him in two whole decades. Maybe he was waiting for Michael to say it to him, maybe he was waiting to hear those words from him first. He couldn’t figure it out, but sitting next to Michael’s truck, he could pretend that he didn’t need to. 

Faintly, the door jingled, and after a minute of silence, he heard boots crunching on the gravel. He could recognize Michael by the way he walked. He hated that. Hated that he loved Michael, in the present tense. Hated that his friends knew to send Michael out to retrieve him. Hated that he would probably let him comfort him anyways. 

“Alex?” It was barely a whisper; Alex hated that he heard it. 

“Hello.” 

Michael let out a breath as he dropped to sit next to him. Their shoulders were touching, and Alex forced himself to not rest his head on Michael’s shoulder the way he so desperately wanted to. 

Alex wasn’t sure what he was expecting Michael to say. After almost ten minutes of silence, Alex was tempted to speak. He didn’t. A few minutes later, Michael cleared his throat like he was going to start a speech. He didn’t. All he did was rest his hand over Alex’s on the ground. Alex decided he would let exactly five breaths pass and then he would speak. He had just exhaled on breath number three when Michael spoke instead. 

“I love you.” 

There was a pause from Michael as he waited to see how Alex would respond. When he didn’t, Michael continued. 

“I know that I’ve never said it. At least not in the present tense. But Alex, I wanted to. I want to. Currently, right now, I want to. There have been so many times where it was so close to leaving my mouth, so close to changing everything.” 

Alex was looking at him now, eyes searching his face to find a lie that never showed. Michael kept talking when it was clear Alex wouldn’t. 

“I wanted to say it that day in the desert, after my hand, when you said you couldn’t be my medicine and,” He sucked in a long breath, “God, I always knew you were smart, but you could see right through me even if you didn’t know exactly what was going on. I wanted to say it then, but it wasn’t the right time. And I wanted to say it the day you left for basic, but I knew it would make it harder to leave and I didn’t want to make things any harder for you. I wanted to tell you when you got leave from your first deployment, when we met at that shitty motel in Santa Fe.” 

“The one with the tiny soaps in the shape of aliens,” Alex finally offered quietly. 

Michael nodded. Alex smiled at the memory, dragging his fingers along Michael’s as he let him continue. 

“I wanted to tell you every time you came home. But I knew it would make things harder, make it worse for both of us when you left. So I just tried to show you instead. I tried opening doors and sending you letters and kissing you harder and committing every moment we were together to memory just in case-“ His voice got watery, and Alex could see how close he was to full on sobbing. 

And suddenly it didn’t matter that Michael had never said it. Suddenly, Alex saw the last decade through Michael’s eyes and he knew. He’d always known. He knew it in his bones that Michael had always loved him, present tense, even if he hadn’t said it until just now. 

“Just in case it was the last time,” Alex finished for him. 

Michael just nodded, biting on his lip to keep from crying any more than he already was. 

“I’m sorry I never told you I love you. I should have. Even if it was the wrong time. You should have known how loved you were. Are. How loved you are, Alex. Even if we aren’t together, even if that hurts more than it should, as long as you know that I love you, that’s all that matters.” 

Alex’s throat was stuck. He couldn’t find the words. He didn’t think there were words good enough for this moment. He thought maybe there were three. 

“I love you.” 

And then their tear stained faces were moving closer until their lips touched and the words slipped out again. Quiet and a little bit breathless, they slipped out. And again, with more substance than there had ever been between them. And again and again, with their foreheads pressed together. They stayed whispering it back and forth like they were making up for a decade’s worth of I love you’s.


End file.
